In response to today’s Daily Dose of Emuna I would like to share with the group a personal story. I hope by sharing it, others will get Chizuk and understand this important lesson in Emuna.
About a month ago my wife received news from abroad that her 90 year old grandfather had fallen and was hospitalized. The family felt it was imperative that my wife come visit him so much so that they sent her a paid ticket to fly. A few days after the ticket was bought my wife received a call from the airlines that she could not travel due to some travel restrictions placed on her by Hotzah Lapoal for some open files we have with them.
Obviously this upset my wife and she questioned if she was going to be able to go or not.
In the meantime she went to Hotzah Lapoal and started investigating the story there and what it would take to get these restrictions off. Needless to say it was not a simple undertaking since these files where spread around between Kvar Saba and Tel Aviv and over the course of 2 weeks my wife was running around in circles trying to get this resolved only to find for every step taken forward she was pushed back 2 steps. In the end the ONLY way she could go visit her dying Zeidy was to find 2 individuals who would act as guarantors for her debt while she was away AND to come up with a very large sum of money that we did not have.
My wife was devastated, she became angry and depressed. Everyone we approached to help us simply said no.
Every day that went by my wife got more and more upset. She refused to accept the fact that she would not be going, but the truth of the matter was not only could we not find 2 guarantors we had no way to come up with such a large sum of cash.
About a week ago my Rabbi asked me if I would make a shiur in my home. I did not know what my wife would say since she was in such a sour mood. She reluctantly agreed but only on the condition that I ask people there if they would be a guarantors for her. I did and believe it or not 2 of the guests agreed without a flinch. I guess the zechut of having a Shiur in our home paid off. Things were looking up, we took them to Hotzah Lapoal and they were approved. Although my wife was a bit more hopeful we still had a huge mountain to climb.
With just a week to go to get the money my wife needed things were not looking good. We approached family, friends, even strangers from our community and no one had the resources to help us. A few days ago someone recommended we talk to a guy who owned a fruit stand who could get a loan from the “shuk”. Although it didn’t feel like the best idea my wife went anyway since she was so desperate. She met with the guy and he agreed to get the money for her and have it to her yesterday Sunday, one day before our deadline. Needless to say Shabbat was not the most relaxing one for my wife as she was a nervous wreck wondering if this was going to happen or not. Sunday came and went and the guy did not come through.
So there we were, a day before our deadline with no way possible to accomplish our goal. My wife could not take it anymore.
All day Sunday she was depressed, crying and angry at the world. She could not sleep and we sat together in our living room in the dark with no answers at all. It was 3am my wife was in tears, complaining bitterly how much suffering she has gone through not just now but her entire life. I stayed quiet the whole time just letting her vent and cry and feel miserable. & then finally she asked me, “what do you think?”.
I remembered all the daily doses at that moment and I said. “my dearest wife, I want you to know that I love you and my heart is broken that you are suffering so much and feeling so sad. I am truly sorry for you and all the suffering you have gone through in your life. I can’t explain it either. There does not seem to be a logical reason that a person as good as you should have to go through all this. BUT,”
She said “But What?” I said “But, everything comes from Hashem right?” she answered “yes” so I continued, “if everything comes from Hashem, and we know that everything from Hashem is truly fair and for the best maybe it is the best thing that you do not make that trip. Maybe it’s just not meant to be and you will just have to accept it not as defeat but as Hashem’s true will?” she started to think about it, she agreed that although at times it seemed that it was a possibility more times than less it was clear that she was not meant to go.
After a half hour of back and forth she came to the conclusion that it was just not meant to be and it was Hashem’s will she stay home, and as hard as that was she accepted it with joy and she even was able to laugh a few times, the first time she laughed in weeks. BH we went to bed!!
Before she went to bed my wife asked me to call her relatives in America and tell them she was not coming, I agreed and we drifted off to sleep.
This morning I woke up and when I came home from shul my wife comes to me and says a miracle happened. I said really, what? She tells me that after contacting one of the guarantors to inform them how grateful she was for the offer but after all she would not be able to go, this person asked her why and she told them how she was short all this money, the guarantor called her back a few minutes later and told her that her and her husband had some money saved for a house but they do not need it for another year or so and if we could pay it back before then she would gladly lend my wife the money.
We did some quick calculations and even though it was not the full amount we needed, BH it was possible to make monthly payments for the amount they were willing to give so we accepted. Then out of the blue another friend who we approached that could not help all of sudden had some extra cash available and did not care when we paid it back which helped with some more but still not enough, we said yes anyway. Then my wife’s father called and said he was able to make some extra money this month and would pay for one of the files. And then the kicker our shul president called to tell us that they started a new gemach for community members and we could borrow the balance that she needed.
It was truly a miracle. By 11am we had every shekel we needed with payment terms that we could afford from people who we knew & loved and cared about us.
My wife looked at me in amazement and she said “I guess Hashem heard my cry’s after all”  Now I try to make it a habit of NOT correcting my wife but this time I did and I said “ no my love, Hashem did not hear your cry’s - Hashem heard your laughs!” She asked me what I meant. So I told her, “you have been crying all month. Crying, complaining, and confused and Hashem did not hear you. But as soon as you accepted his will with joy, and you even were able to laugh during the process, that’s what Hashem needed to hear.” And of course she started to cry! But this time they were tears of Joy and closeness to Hashem.